With the Venus retrograde in Gemini in full swing and here to stay until mid-July, the topic of relationships and connections is very high in our field of awareness.
Especially with various levels of quarantine and separation, you might even be craving to connect and be in touch with people. This can be a great way to support one another through times of challenge and change. But what happens when those connections are a bit...shall we say, funky?
You know the kind, where you spend time in someone else's energy and walk away with a headache, feeling exhausted, sick to your stomach, agitated or anxious? Ring any bells? There is a lot of that going on at the moment and without making yourself or anyone else wrong, it’s a great time to practice being more conscious of the connections you have and how they really impact you.
This is not the time to choose being nice over being truthful."
This is not the time to choose “being nice” over telling the truth. I know that can be really challenging, especially if you come from a culture where being honest in socially awkward situations is not encouraged. It’s not that you have to purposefully hurt others, but if you are pretending to be honest instead of really own what is true for you, then you need to be aware that you are creating what I call a “covert loyalty bond” with that person and this has major consequences in YOUR life. I know it’s a bit creepy to hear this, but you are essentially telling that person that they have permission to feed off of your energy when they need a “hit” of esteem and that you are accepting this because you also enjoy the “hit” of being needed, liked, appreciated etc.
This really doesn’t serve anyone. It keeps both parties trapped in false loyalties that are based on manipulation instead of empowerment. If the truth is that today you can’t be available for someone else’s drama or pain, then you need to speak up. Plug the leaks of your own energy drains! If that person gets angry with you, that is a red flag. I can guarantee you that the person who gets angry will immediately go look for a new “blood donor” and forget all about you within about five minutes.
Alternatively, if you have been using people in your life for esteem boosting, be honest. Fess up, apologize and look for ways to nurture yourself and create a healthier connection. None of us are perfect and these are very challenging times. The difference between someone blundering wildly through right now and someone consciously navigating the waters really comes down to how willing you are to pay attention to the feelings inside your own body and not walk away from your own needs.
If you aren’t sure if this is an issue in your life, pay attention to how you feel after engaging with another person. If you have things like headaches, fatigue, agitation, anxiety or sudden tears, these are serious indicators. Put your hand on your stomach and check to see if you are taking deep, full breaths, or if you have literally been holding your breath as part of how you manage. Holding your breath is also a sign that your body has gone into anxious or defensive mode.
Aromatherapy can be a great way to “change the subject” if you find yourself under the spell of a covert loyalty bond. Sometimes smelling something invigorating or refreshing can snap you out of a certain pattern of thought and ground you back into your own field. From this place you are likely to make more clear decisions. I like to carry a little smell bottle or roll-on with me and find some of the following oils really helpful:
You could mix a few drops of any of these oils in an empty bottle and just carry it with you to inhale when you need a reminder to keep your own solid footing. You can always book a clinical consultation with me where I will personally formulate a product for you as well.
While this can be a heavy topic, I also think it’s pretty revolutionary to be someone willing to be open about it. We all have a great opportunity now to redefine what connection, information and honesty means to us and create an entire new baseline going forward. If you look around you, wouldn’t you agree this is exactly the medicine our world so desperately needs right now?
Every person that takes on this commitment to heal unhealthy connections in their life is adding to a growing and very powerful shift happening all over our planet. I’m not sure there is any more important work that can be done on a personal transformative level right now.
If this topic interests you, let me share with you that I have been busy these last months writing a transformational coaching and mentorship program where this is not only covered but taken to some really powerful levels. For those who do the training with me, we will be looking at how to transform not only the covert loyalty bonds in your life but also generational karma and cultural influences that have been passed down over hundreds and maybe even thousands of years. We don’t have to hold those shadow bonds anymore and I have felt that it's time to start bringing that guidance and teaching forward. If you’re interested to learn more, you can send me an email to register your interest or just keep an eye on the newsletter. I will be announcing limited enrolment later this year and it is going to be just awesome to bring this to you.