Have you ever felt as though you were Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog's Day? You get up every day and do your best (or maybe your worst!). You have goals, aspirations, possibly a relationship, kids, the career - all of it. And yet, somehow, whatever you do, life just....isn't going anywhere?
Or maybe you can relate to the lyrics of the Talking Heads in their song, "Once in a Lifetime".... you know the one that goes, " And you may ask yourself, "How do I work this?"
And you may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?"
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful house"
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful wife"
Same as it ever was,
Same it ever was...
I have a phrase for these situations that I call the "chronic oatmeal filter" and I think it's pretty self-explanatory...
It's Cute...But Not
It's cute to talk about this phenomenon in terms of movies and songs, but the truth is, if you're in the middle of it, it's hardly funny at all. Often it's scary, painful and unsettling. It's as if you're just cruising along, for years even, and suddenly you gain the awareness that...something just isn't right. It's not "working" and maybe hasn't been for a long time. Whatever it is that brings it home...you will know it. Maybe you meet someone and your heart goes, "oh my god...so that's what connection feels like...". Maybe a friend quits their job and starts a new business and some part of you just dies inside. Maybe you have a serious illness or accident and it scares you. Like really scares you, as you are confronted with what the "sum total" of your life could be if things stay the same.
While this could be seen as some exciting news (what a great opportunity to find out what can work!) for most people it's just terrifying. Why has the map of my life stopped? What will it take to get it moving again and more importantly, what on earth will I have to let go of or change to start feeling like my life makes sense again?
The Time of Ice Cream and Tears
I recall a time in my own life when the stunning realisation that my life map had flat-out ended hit me. I got in the shower and cried. Then I lay on the floor and cried. Then I ate a carton of ice cream and cried. Then I got in bed and cried. There was a lot of crying. I think I then tried to "exercise my life forward" (ever done that one?) which involved relentlessly cycling, running, walking and lifting weights to see if I could physically force the path of my life to just come back to its senses. Yeah, that didn't work either.
In the end, acceptance was the only thing that allowed me to start making new choices, but I definitely resisted it and was hardly happy about it. I sat in my own "dead end" for so long, that by the time I finally let go, the changes that came were shocking. And while it was an effective way to get my life back on track, I don't really recommend it...
So why does this happen? Why is it that we can make all the "right" choices, be an essentially decent human and yet hit these marker points in our lives where things are just...off? I asked a lot of questions about this during my own time of upheaval and I'd like to offer you a perspective on why this happens, and how you can handle it perhaps better than I did if you find yourself in a similar situation.
Your Blueprint is Real
First, it's important to know that all people are born with a type of "blueprint" for their life. You can imagine it as this set of 'life designs' that help us to build a certain kind of life, set of experiences and take us where we need to go. Your conscious mind isn't very aware of the blueprint, but your Spirit certainly is and does its best to guide you as you go through life. We have these blueprints because in very simplified terms, you need one to get onto the planet. It's a bit like having your boarding pass to fly. It gives you a row number, seat number and destination. Once you get on the plane, you may decide to change seats, or even take a connecting flight elsewhere. But, no boarding pass, no fly.
The thing is, earth isn't the easiest of places to board if you get my drift. It's full of so many experiences but it's also emotionally quite intense. You need a body to be here and you need a mind to help you cope. And together, your body and mind can be quite flexible and willing to bend, but they can also be stubborn as hell, scared, pretty rigid and set in their ways on how you're going to move through your time here. Your Spirit may be saying, "Psst...hey lady, it's been real at this job/location/relationship but we are in fact scheduled for a left turn in approximately 1 year. Be ready".
And your body and mind take a look around at all the security (which equals survival) you have and goes, "Yeah...you know? No."
This can go on for a while. Years. Longer. And at a certain point your Spirit just goes, "Well I mean, OK, but you know this part of the blueprint literally ended...so I mean, if you want to sit on the tarmac and watch other people's flights take off, be my guest, I can wait."
And you will sit there and wait for as long as you want, getting more and more unhappy/unhealthy/checked out/overweight/underweight/crabby/etc because hey, you've got free will (sort of) and if you want to sit in it, you can. But the GPS of "you" is just not going anywhere, because you're done with that leg of the journey and it's time to turn left and board a new flight. In my personal and professional experience, if you sit in it long enough, you will manifest a 'rock bottom' (also called Divine intervention in some circles) to get your attention with the blinding neon sign that says, "turn left, Tinkerbell!"
You Will Lose Your Drugs (Coping Mechanisms)
Not everyone has a super dramatic left turn. I think a lot of people can and do, but it doesn't always have to be that way. Sometimes it's a mindset shift. Sometimes it's a divorce. There's a lot in between. The important thing is, that as you become aware that it's time for a change, you are also forced to accept that it's going to be time to address all the coping mechanisms you've had for years which have now officially expired. Wherever it is you are heading from here, the new land you're flying to has banned all the drugs you were accustomed to taking and Customs will confiscate those suckers at the border. Harsh, right? Though the good part is that you will get a chance to learn how to live without them.
So what to do, what to do? If you find yourself in one of these chapters of the divine comedy of your life, you've got a couple of choices. Crying, ice cream and exercise are solid options. I did that for a good few years and it brought me...basically nowhere, but I had a lot of extra time (wait and weight!) to keep sitting on the pot. The funny thing is that I was being offered help all along and categorically rejecting it!
If I look back now I would say without a doubt, take the help that is offered sooner crazy lady! That...in hindsight is for sure my best answer here. In all seriousness, if you relate to any of what I've written here, here's what you do:
1. Accept it. Whatever is going on with you, denying it won't work. Even if you just write a little note to yourself that no one else will see...something like, "Dear diary, my life is really weird right now and I'm scared" that's enough. Not looking at or feeling what is coming at you will only intensify your experience.
2. Take a break. Minimum 3 days, hopefully 1-2 weeks. Go somewhere ALONE and bring your journal, headphones and walking shoes. Just BE with yourself and let whatever needs to arise do so. Stop being "busy" as a way to block this. It won't work. Better out than in, as the saying goes! Meeting new people, talking to a trusted person while away is OK but the point is, break your routine, take a mini left turn and just see what that does for you.
3. Take an inventory of your life. Remember when you were 5 and your dream was to become a janitor at the top of the Empire State Building? What happened to that? Where are you? The dreams you once had, are you living them? If not, why? Have they died, or have you? Look at this. Carefully. And FEEL.
4. Seek guidance, particularly energy work. If you're about to go through a big change in your life, I'm not gonna lie...it's going to be hella uncomfortable. Some parts will be thrilling and amazing and other parts...not so much. However, there are ways to make it roll more smoothly, and that is primarily with energy work from someone skilled in this area. It's not so much healing as it is cleaning up old patterns, releasing and making space for the new areas of your GPS map to show up.
Here's another "top secret"... if you're working with the right person and able to re-connect enough parts of yourself, you can easily change your blueprint and "hop a different" flight. Remember I said you need a ticket to get here right? No one said you can't change your ticket. You can. If you're working it right.
5. Read my free Workbook! I've got a great free resource that you can start using right away (think: yeah on my mini-break that I'm booking!). It's a workbook to help you start taking stock right now with exercises, notes and tips from me.
It's something I wish I'd had twenty years ago, and for sure when I was in the middle of my own life re-shuffle.
I hope it will bring you just what you need and help you on your way, whether that's changing your seat or the entire destination of your current leg ;)
Just click the link to get your workbook and leave me a comment to let me know what you think!
GET MY FREE COPY NOW
Wishing you my best on your continued journey! Keep smiling friend!
Hi I'm Lauren! I'm a Healer, Spiritual Medium & Clinical Aromatherapist. I help people align with their soul's essence and live a more balance, inspired and intuitive life!